Good-bye

I fell in love with you the first time I met you. Maybe I didn’t know what love was but the feelings were real.

You on the other hand lied and did not love me. You used me like and object.

Your love may have grown for me over the years but you never actually fell IN love with me.

I was never your type either. I am still not your “type” now. You still want to change me. You want me to get plastic surgery to change the way I look and I will NEVER do it.

You have drained all the love out of me. My heart has so much scar tissue and nerve damage that it no longer sends signals to my brain to feel anything.

It will take me years to heal. I may never be able to get back the love I once had for you. You should not have to wait and neither should I.

I will miss you when you go and naturally, you will miss me. But missing each other will not make us all of a sudden fall in love with each other.

Don’t you want REAL love? A love formed from happiness. A love formed by choice and not convenience.

I want to fall in love. I want to be with someone because we are IN love with each other. We are together because it is convenient. Of course we love and care for each other. We have kids together and we’ve been friends for a long time. It is natural but I want to be IN love and want someone IN love with me.

Right now, I am too scared to open my heart again. It hurts for me to say this but when you leave, you can take the heart that you destroyed. I don’t want a damaged heart. I want a new one. I deserve a new heart. One that has not be mutilated.

There is nothing you can say or do at this point that will undo what you’ve already done. The heart I gave you is no longer beating. It is dead now. There is only a void where it used to be, now waiting to be replaced with a new one.

Don’t worry. I will be okay. I understand if you find comfort with another woman. I won’t be mad. I can’t be mad because like I said, you already have my broken heart. It no longer beats for you but maybe someone else’s will.

I have to end it. For me. For my kids. And for you. I am now on a new journey. I have to learn how to love myself before I can love anyone else.

I will always love you and you will always be a part of my life.We will always see each other but we can no longer be together. It is just not good for my health or healing process.

So, this is goodbye and I will see you later, friend, baby daddy and soon to be ex-husband. If you really care about me and love me, you will let me go.

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “Good-bye

  1. It’s tough, but you can get through this. I think the first conversation is the hardest, and then it just gets easier from there.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s